Tuesday, May 20, 2008

how many more times

What is this, round 3? 5? 8? How many more times can they say "we've really got it all this time"? When do we stop believing them? It was the best research hospital and the best doctor there. It was money spent and plane trips and uncomfortable hotel stays and so much hope. And confidence. That's what he said after the last surgery - "I'm confident I got it all." Confidence is turning out to be one of those words that when you write it out a few times it looks funny and loses all meaning.

I hate this ad. Every time I see it my stomach churns. Because really, cancer does have you. It has you, and it sucks in your friends, your husband, your kids, your grandaughter. You may fight it for a while, and you may even think you've got it beat, but if for some stupid unlucky reason that we can't quite understand yet it gets you, then you're screwed. Fight and thrive and be a powerful strong woman. Sure. But in the end it all comes down to luck. Bad fucking luck.

Spinal fluid. Fucking spinal fluid.

So go here. Donate. Walk. Run. Scream in the streets to raise awareness. Do something. Something so that one day we all can stop wondering how lucky the rest of our families are going to be.

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